I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
love makes seman taste better
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
