We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
