I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
