I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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