Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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