No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Verdict: uncircumcised.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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