So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
