My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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