??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
there is glitter all over my balls
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