STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We talked him into tasing himself.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT