what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking