i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
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And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling