Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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