Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
