He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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