tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
