So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i think i just lost a toe
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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