Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
