i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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