So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
