I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
