Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
