New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As shirtless as possible
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
