My room smells like vodka and shame
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
