She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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