Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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