just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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