so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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