Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
