He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
