Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
