I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
