I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have fence marks all over my body
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
