i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This is classic penis vs brain.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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