Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
