just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
