dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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