You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
