I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
