Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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