no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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