found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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