accomplished twins. life is a go
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
