So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
