I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its about making memories worth repressing
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
