I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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