i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
