i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
