i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
someone owes me an orgasm
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
