There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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