The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
