he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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