guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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