if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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