someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
