that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
