carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
