Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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