So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
