He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Say something about gay babies.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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