Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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