My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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