Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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