Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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