Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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