Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
