he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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