Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize