How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
